A lovely time with a friend from Down Under

My childhood friend came to stay for the day and night on Monday with her husband.  They live in Australia, but have been on a six week tour of Europe and fortunately could spare a day to come to visit us.  Tania and I have been friends since we were about 10 or 11 years old and went to secondary school together.  We also rode horses together.  At school we were part of a threesome nicknamed by our teachers as the 'Three Musketeers'...  we weren't naughty, but we were outspoken and stuck up for 'our rights' and those of animals.   We walked home one day from school in protest of animal cruelty.  Some boys had bought in cat skins - yes you read that right.  Plus those same boys used to trap birds in the class room and try to hit them with tennis balls.  Anyway, we got almost all the way home after walking approximately 14km only to be picked up by Tania's Mum and promptly taken straight back to school where we were herded into the Principals office!  The following year all three of us were split up and put in separate form rooms.   Why we were punished and not the boys still doesn't seem fair even today!

Even though we have ended up on opposite sides of the world at various times through the years we have remained firm friends At one stage it was Tania in England and I was in NZ and then she came back and moved to Australia where she eventually settled and I ended up in England!

In 2010 when I went back to NZ to visit my parents after a five year gap, she flew over and we spent a lovely few days together in the Bay of Islands.  Last year I was able to fly via Australia on my way to NZ and spent a week with her there.

I wish we could have had longer while she was here!

Anyway, we had planned to take her and her husband to Hatfield House, but sadly it isn't open on Mondays, so we had to rethink our plans.  Tania and mentioned she would like to visit the woods that we walk in so we took them to Ashridge Estate.  We had lunch at the Cafe before heading off for a lovely walk.

On our way home from Ashridge Estate we popped into the Gardens of the Rose in St Albans.  The gardens were looking spectacular.

Tania just loves having photos taken, so there are rather a lot of us together!  

The gardens really were  looking  quite beautiful.

Me, Simon (Tania's husband) and Tania

Looking at a big carp in the pond.

The afternoon was beautiful.

Reflections in the pond

Dragonflies

We finished the day going out for a Carvery.

There really wasn't enough time to have a proper catch up though.

All to soon it was the following morning and they had to catch an early train to head north to visit relatives.

I miss having a friend like her to chat and spend time with.  

Most of my friends live overseas... it is hard.

Tulips & Bluebells

We went to visit some friends today and had a very nice fish and chips for lunch with them.  I haven't had fish and chips for a very long time, so this made a nice change, and it was beautifully cooked as well, not greasy like it can often be.  After lunch I took the opportunity of getting a few photos from their garden as the tulips and bluebells were putting on a good display.

A vibrant red.

Loving the raindrops on this.

Pools of water inside.

Masses of bluebells along the back garden path.

Such a wonderful display.

They certainly more than made up for the dismal and dreary day.

On Friends...

I've been thinking a lot about friends over the last few months, not continually of  course but quite frequently.  My thoughts have been along the lines of: What makes a good friend? How do you define friendship? How easy is it to make friends? What do you expect from a friend? Do we use the term friend too freely now when perhaps the term  associate is more appropriate - especially with the advent of online groups and social networking sites where we have 'friends' many of whom we may never ever meet in person. How do you decide whether they are really a friend or not?  Are friends mostly made and formed by a certain age?  Is it harder to make good friends as you get older, as many people by their late 30s already have firm friendship groups established.

The Oxford Dictionary states this definition for Friend:

noun

• 1a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations:she’s a friend of minewe were close friends
•  (used as a polite form of address or in ironic reference) an acquaintance or a stranger one comes across:my friends, let me introduce myself
•  (one's friends) archaic one’s close relatives.
•  a person who supports a cause, organization, or country by giving financial or other help:the Friends of the Welsh National Opera
•  a person who is not an enemy or opponent; an ally:she was unsure whether he was friend or foe
•  a familiar or helpful thing:he settled for that old friend the compensation grant
•  a contact on a social networking website:all of a sudden you’ve got 50 friends online who need to stay connected

So this tells me a little, but it doesn't really answer my questions any more than I already knew.

Wikipedia has this to say about Friendship:

Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people. Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association. 

Although there are many forms of friendship, some of which may vary from place to place, certain characteristics are present in many types of friendship. Such characteristics include affection, sympathy, empathy, honesty, altruism, mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each other's company, trust, and the ability to be oneself, express one's feelings, and make mistakes without fear of judgement from the friend.

There are several things I can pick out of this which is exactly how I feel friendship should be, highlighting HONESTY and TRUST but in reality everything in the paragraph that lists the characteristics a friendship should include.

Another website, Reach Out says this about friendships:

Signs of a Good Friend:

Friends will come and go in your life, but more important than how long a friendship lasts, is that a good friend will love you for who you are. The way you can tell the sign of a good friend is by looking at the actions they take –big and small – that show they care.

Some common signs of a good friend include 

• someone who will support you no matter what
• someone you can trust and who won’t judge you
• someone who won’t put you down or deliberately hurt your feelings
• someone who is kind and has respect for you
• someone who will love you because they choose to, not because they feel like they should
• someone whose company you enjoy
• showing loyalty
• being trustworthy and willing to tell you the truth, even when it’s hard
• someone who can laugh when you do
• someone who is willing to stick around when things get tough
• someone who makes you smile
• someone who is there to listen
• someone who will cry when you cry.

So reading all this and  putting it altogether is exactly what I thought friendship is all about, trust, honesty, support when needed, someone to laugh with, cry with, have good times with and of course much more.  Why is it then that I find it more and more difficult to understand the way 'friends' treat each other.  It seems that so many gossip, say one thing to one person, then something different to another, honesty and integrity seems to have flown out the window with many.  Or perhaps it has always been like this?  True we can't like everyone, and that of course is fine and in these situations the person is clearly not going to be a friend, but why pretend otherwise if this the case?  Is it a case of 'you scratch my back, and I will scratch yours'? 

Is it because we make 'friends' too easily now with the advent of social networking and online groups? Perhaps, but not completely as even those people I meet in person who I come to think of as friends, put my trust in, share my thoughts etc. with, seem to have the capacity to hurt and bewilder and leave me feeling confused as to who my friends actually are.  I am fairly sure it isn't just me that has observed this either. 

Personally I do think it is harder to make friends the older you get, especially in well established circles where friends have been made and forged for many a year.  That is of course one of the problems with moving round and living in different places.  Those that have stayed in one area are going to perhaps have friends who they have known since the year dot and as such it is much harder to join in with those groups and form lasting friendships. You may think you have formed good friendships but they often turn out to be rather superficial. 

Surely honesty, integrity, being true to oneself and friends should be something we all strive for? If you say you are going to do something, offer something etc., surely you should try to honour these things? If you are unable to fulfil/honour something you said you were going to do then you should at least explain, give options and of course apologise.  If I say I am going to do something I try and jolly well do it, even if it takes me a lot longer than my original intentions.  I would hope that others would know this through knowing me and I believe that they do, if they have taken the time to really know me and who I am.  I would certainly never knowingly hurt or upset someone.

So although I already knew the answers, the term 'friend' still seems to elude me in that I have come to the conclusion that I am too trusting and open, I really don't understand people at all, especially those that I have thought of as friends. I now feel much more wary and suddenly I have far less trust than I used to have which I think is actually quite sad.

So I think the term 'acquaintance' is much more apt in many situations rather than 'friend'. Friends should be people who you can trust to be kind and truthful to you and this of course is reciprocated both ways.

Cheeky Robin on alert for anything that might be disturbed in the garden.

Long Tailed Tits visited the garden this morning - only managed to get the one shot of them though.

The first flower for this year - a gorgeous Primrose.

FRIENDS SWAP - Gifts Received - Part Two.

Yeah!  The missing two letters 'F' & 'N' arrived this afternoon - so exciting I just had to unwrap them....after all I had been rather restrained and hadn't opened the others.

Here they all are!

A lovely card came with 'F' & 'N' - so beautiful and the message inside hoping that this time the gifts made it safely....fortunately they did!

F - Fabric 

Oh and such pretty fabric as well in my favourite colour.

R - Rotary Cutter and Case

This is just fantastic and will be so useful and the case is simply wonderful as well.  So beautifully made - with roses AND butterflies!  Melanie you really are a star, thank you!

I = Inspiration!

Full of wonderful inspiration indeed....now why didn't I find these magazines when I was looking for Inspiration?!  Still probably just as well or we would have sent each other the same gift!

E - Egg Cup Covers

These are just great...and actually I will have to keep an eye on the 'little people' who reside in this house in case they decide they want them to keep their heads warm this winter!

N = Notebook

They say great minds think alike!  Again Melanie has really matched this perfectly...roses and my favourite colour.  I had been wanting a rose notebook and do you think I could find one?  So this is just what I needed.

D = Drink

Green tea is indeed my drink of choice.

S = Sewing supplies.

Another simply wonderful gift I will treasure.

Isn't this just great and exactly what I needed!

Makes me want to see if I can attend some quilting group again - just need one closer to home so I can manage the driving.

Melanie you really excelled yourself and I am absolutely stunned and delighted with the gifts you sent me.

Thank you so very very much, you have really brought a smile to my face.