Word for the Year - Joy.

Pain - a particularly frustrating flare making it harder to bear than usual has been getting me a bit down recently so haven't felt much like blogging or anything else for that matter....plus worrying about my parents and then my Mother in Law being seriously ill has added to the whole feeling of apathy about things.

So I just thought I would revisit a post I started writing about a few weeks ago but didn't get round to finishing.

So my theme for this year is going to be Joy - finding Joy.  Asking myself the question....Does it give me joy?  when pertaining to trying to make some semblance of order and various other themes on this word.

During my clearing and sorting in preparation for hopefully a move in the future (although this is one of the things I am feeling like is going to be increasingly unlikely with the recent ill health of my MIL - how can I expect my husband to leave her?) Anyway back on topic... I am looking at each item and thinking ''Does this bring me Joy? If it doesn't out it goes!  It is so easy to accumulate 'stuff' and if we look at it too hard we either forget it is there, or talk ourselves into keeping it, only for it to be forgotten about, so I want to go on my immediate feeling.  Part of this thought process came about by reading the book mentioned in my blog post here that I wrote back in February.

I am going to complete re-evaluate what I do and why as well - also along the theme of 'Does this bring me joy?   

One of the things I need to give serious thought to is my cello playing and how I REALLY feel about it.  I started in the hope that it would be something I could do without too much pain, but this isn't really happening plus I am not making the progress I know that I am really capable of if I were to put my mind to it - and IF it was a pain free process which it isn't.  Having not played for the last couple of months due to being away, I find that I haven't actually missed it at all, and I almost feel a reluctance to start practising again....I shouldn't feel like this...and it makes me feel a bit guilty that I do, as music is something I love and so is the cello....or is it?  Is it possible to love something but to no longer get joy from that very thing.  So what I am going to try to do is put in some serious effort for the next month - two weeks before I have a lesson and for the two weeks after, and reassess then how I feel, asking myself that question.  Perhaps it is time to move on and concentrate on other things.  I haven't touched the cello (or the clarinet for that matter) since before I went to New Zealand in February.  This must surely tell me something?!

Singing is another thing I feel I am needing to re-evaluate, particularly choir on Sundays as I just am in so much pain by the end of the service I wonder why  I am doing it as it is taking away my enjoyment in the music.

As for my clarinet, I still feel like crying when I think of it...

One thing that IS giving me joy is the discovery of art, and this is something I would like to pursue and put more effort into.  At least I have something tangible to see after the event, unlike with music, once played it is gone, albeit still in your memory. 

My colour for the year - or at least for the Spring and Summer is going to be orange!  Yes I have re-discovered this fun colour while in New Zealand when I bought a lovely fun top and have since added a skirt and a cardigan in this colour scheme.  

Meeting up with a friend in Kerikeri

Yellow is another colour I love.  I was delighted to be able to hire the same yellow car I hired in 2010 when in New Zealand - you just can't help but smile when you saw it.  Yellow is such a cheerful sunshiny colour.  

My husband has embraced my love of this colour as well buying me yellow roses the first couple of weeks I was home from New Zealand.  Love them!

As a reflection of my embracing these sunshine colours...I will be updating my summer wardrobe - that is if we get a summer...I am still wearing jeans, long sleeve shirts and jumpers (sweater) and a coat when going out!

I bought three tops and a skirt while in New Zealand - all from op shops - in fact the skirt was free!

This fun orange top was shown above with me wearing it.  I am hoping that we will get weather warm enough here for me to wear this.

A loose fitting but comfortable top for keeping cool - with butterflies on!

My free skirt.

Pretty blue top - another colour I love.

I've also seen a several items in the charity shops down the road that I have bought.

Stripy orange cardigan

Orange linen shirt

Yellow top

Lovely soft blue cotton cardigan.

Blue top.

Of course this means that I really do have to continue sorting out the clothes I have and deciding which ones 'bring me joy' and thus are ones I keep and which ones are to go.

In the kitchen:  I am a fan of pyrex - I use bowls to mix things in when baking, preparing salads and for cooking casseroles.  I am gradually building up a collection of pyrex dishes that I use regularly and enjoy using.

I recently saw this serving dish which I thought would be ideal for serving various meals, whether hot or cold 

A good price as well at 99p!

I have been eating healthily since I have been home and exercising regularly, walking every day and also going on the eliptical trainer, although have missed the last week as just been in too much pain.  According to my husband's special Body Composition Moniter scanner I have a body of a 22 year old!  Why the heck doesn't it feel like one then?  I am fit and healthy, I just hurt!  ALL THE TIME!  Doesn't seem fair when I am doing everything else right.

I have started trying to juice more regularly as well and these are a couple I have enjoyed this week.

Lovely to see tadpoles in our pond...although not so pleased to see the mosquito grubs!

So trying to find Joy....

Crafts

Trying to get back into doing my crafts more and spending less time on the computer!  

Yesterday I had to go out to get ONE ball of wool so I could finish a sweater I was making.  I was only a few rows from the end before I ran out - typical!  Did I come home with only one ball of yarn?  Of course I didn't...a few more seemed to make their way up to the counter and into my shopping bag as well.

I was pleased to find the silk/cotton blend balls in the plastic bags for 50p for two balls - definitely a bargain indeed.

With my love of birds I thought I would try this cross stitch, it was only a £1 in the CS.  I used to do a lot of cross stitch when I lived in NZ but it seems to have fallen by the wayside in the UK partly due to the lack of real good light.  Still I am determined to give this a go and if I find I am struggling I will take it with me to do while in NZ.

After the discovery that the diary/planner I had bought for 2014 didn't include Saturdays or Sundays (are we not supposed to have any plans in the weekend?) I had to go and buy another, so took advantage of the Pound Shop.

I also treated myself to not one, but two fountain pens!  They cost rather more than a pound each from WH Smith! One to use at home and the other to take out and away with me.

I have started practising my cello again - hoping I will be more consistent this time.  I have a lesson booked as my teacher is well again fortunately so I am looking forward to that.

A catch up post!

Well a bit of a catch up post as far as the Advent tree and Christmas Elf go.

Day 11 saw yet another snowman put on the tree.

Day Twelve was a little boy (I think) 

Day Thirteen a Christmas caroller?

The Christmas Elf has been busy finding places to perch. 

11th - In the leaves of the pot plant.

12th - On top of the Queen...surprised DH didn't notice this one!

13th - Nestled in between Mrs and Santa Claus.

Yesterday while down in the town centre I popped into a couple of charity shops and came home with four books - they were 2 for 50p!

I've heard good things about these children's books, so look forward to reading these as a bit of light relief between my more 'serious' reading.

Couldn't resist this lovely little well known book either.

I also saw this wooden carved figure in the Antique shop.

 I have no idea of the age, but there was something about her that appealed to me.

Today I said goodbye to one of my musical instruments.

As it is still very unlikely that I will be playing again - it has been almost five years now since the operation that stuffed up the nerves in my arm - I put the first of my instruments up for sale.  It sold today and is going to a 17 years old young lady who has been playing a few years and wants to also play soprano saxophone.  It is very sad to see it go, a kind of acceptance, but it pleases me to know it is going to budding young musician.  I wish her much enjoyment.

Advent Tree Day Four

A little snowman was added today.

It seems my family are rather unobservant and nobody spotted the elf riding the knight yesterday... I thought my husband might as it is his Knight trophy, but he didn't!  Today the cheeky little elf is riding the cockerel.

Last night I had choir practice and we are preparing for a couple of Christmas Carol concerts.  We even recorded one of them - I wonder what it will sound like?!

On Wednesdays I go to a 'Singing for Life' group which is a lot of fun and we had an impromptu performance today!  It was really enjoyable. It is so good to have some sort of music back in my life. 

We have a little mini-concert on 18th December and will be singing the following:

Drunken Sailor,

Puppet on a String

Delilah

Moon River

I'm a believer

Sleigh Bells Ring

White Christmas

The Twelve Days of Christmas

Rockin' around the Christmas Tree

May Each Day 

Gabriel

I am looking forward to it.  

Me and Music.

Sometimes, like this morning I wake up wondering...wondering where my passion and drive for music and the making of music has gone.  Okay I can understand that not being able to play my beloved clarinet has something to do with it, but at the beginning of this year I still had that need and passion to want to be able to play something and this was reflected in my enthusiasm for learning the cello until it all went pear shaped. Now I am able to try again, I just find myself lacking any enthusiasm, drive, get up and go, mojo or what ever you call it.  The cello and music stand are within easy reach and accessible, yet I never quite make that step to actually getting it out and having a go.  Why is that I wonder?  How can all those years of drive, passion and NEED to play have just disappeared?  Has it been too long since I was able to play properly? Is it the pain factor?  Or is it something else?  I really don't know and I wonder what to do about it.   Was it because when I went to book a lesson I had to  phone at the end of the week?  Couldn't because of the lines going doing and then well apathy sets in...Now I think, well perhaps it is too close to Christmas and then I can see myself saying...well I'll only have a couple of months before I am away visiting my parents and then before you know it, it will be April next year?  Is this REALLY the way it is?  Should I say well that part of my life really is well and truly gone now and perhaps this is just acceptance, something else has taken its place, or do I need to get back into at least trying and pursuing it properly again before making such a decision.  I don't really know.  I do know I feel guilty.  I feel like that all those years of sitting exams, getting my teachers certificate, degree and masters are wasted...what were they really for at the end of the day?

In the meantime my cello sits and stares at me reproachfully...as for the clarinet...well we don't even talk about that!

Movement on Monday!

It seems the last couple of days the temperature has really plummeted and I have been cold for the last couple of days.  Even keeping busy hasn't kept me warm for long.

I am doing well with my 'list'.

Yesterday I managed to get hubby to help me with the front porch and it no longer looks like a rubbish tip and is lovely and clear.  My car is full of stuff to take to the charity shops and hubby's is full of stuff to take to the tip.  Our paper bin is full, as is the rubbish and plastic/tin/cardboard bins.

We had finished by late afternoon and while hubby popped to the supermarket before it closed I quickly made some little currant cup cakes.  Needless to say there are none left today!

The job on my list today was to clear the conservatory/utility room.

It has been hoovered, dusted and mopped.  I now have a usable space and the ironing board can be left permanently up should ever the urge to iron occur!  Actually I had to iron DS2's school shirts today.  How come he only went to school three days last week, and yet there were six shirts to iron?!

It feels good to see progress being made.

It has been raining on and off all day, but I managed to snap a few flower shots.

Rhapsody in Blue

Nostalgia

Raindrops

I have started playing the 'cello again.  Pacing myself very slowly, just doing 10 minutes at a time.  I am hoping to build up to about 30 minutes a day so that I can re-start lessons again, but at the moment can only do a couple of days and then need one off.  It is hurting so important that I don't overdo it. 

Daily Doodles and an old photo.

I am WAY behind in posting my Daily Doodles - have been doing them - just forgetting to photograph them and crop and post them.

Here is Thursday's offering.

Some ideas were formed for supporting the clarinet - but my thoughts veer more towards the bass - it is supported on the floor and my right arm rests on my knee as I play - so at a lower angle AND supported - more of a possibility and certainly worth pursuing further through some daily practice..

My arm and hand were quite sore on Friday though, so had a pretty lazy day.

Friends sent this photo of my son when he was a lot younger!  

What a cutie he was!

Soprano Saxophone For Sale

The time has come - it is such a waste to have these instruments sitting here being unplayed - so I have decided to sell them.

Jupiter Soprano Saxophone - in excellent condition, has been very well looked after and wiped down after each time it was played - which wasn't very often being an additional instrument to my main instruments.

JPS-547 with High F Sharp Key. £700 ono

Complete with stand, case, neck strap, unused mouthpiece, cork grease, cleaning cloth and possibly a soft leather carry case (I just have to find it)

Such a lovely instrument...sigh...

Daily Doodle and my 'Cello

Better day today than yesterday afternoon, no headache today - yeah!

I enjoyed my cello lesson yesterday morning and have some more pieces and fingering to work on.

I took a cello that I have on 'approval' for my teacher to look at, and she approved!  I like it very much and it has a much nicer sound than my hired instrument so it is all looking positive.  Mark has said that he will consider getting it for my birthday, he is so pleased I am able to enjoy playing some music again as he knows how much I have been missing it.  I'm sure though he wishes I could play it like I could play my clarinet though! 

Here's the beauty!  Not only looks good, plays well too!  It isn't anything 'special' but in my price range, I couldn't even hope to get something other than a cello like this.  It is a Contemporary Chinese Make Westbury.  Certainly the Chinese makes are far better now than they used to be years ago, and I am quite impressed with it.  Should last me a very long time.  I love it.

Added bonus is it comes as a complete outfit with the case below as well.

Which happens to be blue - one of my favourite colours!  Not that, that should make any difference...  It is funny but on the way to collect it last week I was wondering what colour the case would be and I was hoping it would be yellow or blue.  Yellow of course would be highly unlikely, but blue more of a possibility, and blue it was!  It has a few marks on it, but then being second hand, you've got to expect that.  The cello however is in immaculate condition.

I don't really like the bows that it comes with.  One is no good at all according to my teacher and the other is 'OK'.  I am hoping that the shop will allow me to keep the bow I have got with the hired bow in exchange for these two.  Something to negotiate anyway.