The Dangers of Coming off Medication

Last night I was talking to my husband about some of the things that have been on my mind lately, or which there have been many!

Who am I?  I asked.  I know I have asked this question before.

Am I the placid, couldn't care less, very laid back person who has no motivation to do anything?

OR

Am I the highly emotional, stressed, tearful, volatile person I am at the moment who can't cope with anything?

Neither was his reply.  You are somewhere in between....

Well I certainly hope so.  

There really should be some warning when people go on these medications...not just about the side effects you can get while on them....sure they list SOME of them but DENY others...  but also they should list the WITHDRAWAL side effects even when coming off the drugs slowly after a period of time!  There really should be some way these issues are reported and noted, but of course they aren't and won't be.

The only good thing I can say so far about coming off the medications is that the migraines WERE caused by the medication, as I suspected and actually knew!  Although the 'specialists' are of course doubtful Charlies.  Only my GP believed me.

This is the first day I feel I have been up to writing some kind of update as I have felt I have been going not quietly, but noisily mad this last week or so, especially the last few days!  Everything and I mean every little and not so little thing has been getting to me in a big way.  So many tears, anxiety, and well complete inability to cope. My bed has become a refuge.  Again today is the first day I haven't had to retreat to it...so far!

Amongst all this I also have had the anguish of my beloved Pickles, one of my most favourite piggies ever, dying on Tuesday.  Oh dear I thought my heart would break.  I also think that all the past grieving that I never really got through due to be 'mind numbed' by the medication came to a head as well.  I wanted someone to come and take the rest of my guinea pigs away so that I didn't ever have to deal with this again.  Two days on I feel a little bit better about things.  I made him a little cardboard coffin and buried him in my rose garden.

All our pets are old, so sadly I know this isn't going to be the last time...

I will miss this little piggy and all his characterfulness for a very long time!

So Who am I?

I really don't know at this point.

I still feel a huge loss about my clarinet playing, all the years I spent studying and learning how to overcome my performance nerves (to a point) and still don't know how to come to terms with this.

My husband didn't really understand this until I said to him...

'Imagine you couldn't play or write Chess programmes anymore...'  I think then he may have got it.

Even the 'cello has stood in the corner for the last week or so....

The weather is getting me down,  how I long for some warmer weather, blue skies...as I am sure we all do.  I am fed up with the continual cold, damp, grey and wet weather.

I long for the country and have very itchy feet and want to move, but where I am still not sure...

I have missed visiting my parents this year so very much, but know it was a good thing I didn't as the effects of coming off the medication were far worse than I thought.

Time will tell I guess...